For reasons that aren’t entirely clear to me, while making my lunch this morning I danced around the kitchen singing “Marion, Madame Librarian,” to my dogs.
In my defense, I was doing rather well.
Well, today’s the day I meet with HR. My reporting all this seems to be a source of titillation and nervousness to my colleagues. K expressed concern about getting in trouble. Both she and B seemed surprised I was doing it at all (until this idiocy is over, I think it wise to mention everyone in letters rather than by name). Even my mother expressed aggravation with it last night.
But I am not dealing with all this nonsense for them, I am doing it for me and the women of the future. The girls that will be in my shoes in this work place or any other. It was inconceivably to me that such a thing could ever happen, that my superior would harass me in such a manner. Not that it was impossible, just that….well, that would never happen to me! I think that’s how all women think of it. That’s why standing up is so important.
I got an encouraging email from my aunt, talking about the “old boys’ club” and how things were for her when she was my age. I suppose I thought of it as “That time is done with now, though!” I have worked with older men all my life, and while there would be occasionally a bad apple, it was never anything serious. I was treated like a daughter and well protected by my bosses. But I think maybe this is another lesson of adulthood – that you have to protect yourself at work, too.
Damn, this blog was a really good idea. Thanks, Dawn! Who knew I’d have so much to talk about!
Anyway, I leave preschool early today, which isn’t a problem. K shows up from her class at noon, I take off at 12:30, no big deal, back for the end of Homework Club at JL, then my tutoring student.
That’s one of the other frustrations of this lunacy: previous to this, I had a lot to love about my job. I still do, I work with some GREAT students – I mean seriously great. I would see them for nothing, I love them with all my heart. One other thing of heartbreak, for those who are familiar with Portland news (I’d name names, but it would reveal too much about my kids), one of the most recent high school murders – his baby sister was in my preschool class. That poor, poor little girl. She is the sweetest thing in the whole world. She immediately latched on to me, I don’t know why, but that adorable little creature just lit up to see me, and always wanted to hug and read and was just so sweet. That is why my job is important to me, I guess. I really do enjoy it.
Which is what makes this so infuriating. How dare he come between me and helping these students. I owe him nothing, no matter how he tries to spin it (and believe me, he does…), and I should NOT have to feel like I have to constantly be on the defensive when I’m trying to help people. Screw him.
I’m going to continue at JL as a volunteer, as after next week I stop getting paid to go. For one thing, I love it. And even ignoring that, I get done with preschool about 1:30, and then I have tutoring again at 4. It’s silly to go home for that short amount of time, I’ll stay and do something useful.
The girls had a fun walk through the tree farm this morning. Cleo can be such a dunce – Cassie went around the giant mud puddle, Cleo went right through it. They get groomed tomorrow, though, and thank goodness, as they’ve needed it for months. But the best part for them? A little wild rabbit has taken up residence in the tree farm, and this time, we went past its hiding hole. Cleo took right off, usually Cassie’s position, but she stayed to sniff it out. But voom, clear across the farm went little Cleo! What’s nice about my little fluffy dunderhead, as disobedient as she tends to be (in her defense, she’s been better lately), her nervousness means she comes back much sooner when I let them off leash. Cassie is so confident and independent, she does whatever. So after a moment, Cleo came bounding back, mouth grinning and tail wagging. We had a good time.
I seriously love my dogs. I have always loved all my pets, but there is something different about the dogs, especially Cassie. Maybe it’s because she’s my first dog, after 13 years of waiting, and maybe because she is just such an ideal dog – loyal, smart, affectionate and playful. But just seeing her lights up my life. I love my cats, but my dogs and I have something different. Maybe it’s something only dog owners get, I don’t know.
One of the truest moments of happiness I have ever had, that I hope to hold onto all my life, took place last summer. It was sitting on the living room sofa, with Cassie laying next to me, and just petting her. The time went by, there was no noise, no distractions, just us for the pure reason of love for one another.
I think that is a good place to end this morning’s musings. May you all experience such love and contentment. In my sweet old dog is the love of God.