Oh, a Woman Did Something Bad? Must Not Count

Why women, too, are bastards

Just from the blurb on Yahoo, I got really angry with this article, and then I clicked on it, knowing it would piss me off more. The tagline was akin to “Some women need passion, not just a nice guy.”

Okay, women? F–k you. You are f–king it up for the rest of us. I HATE the double standard for women and men when it comes to cheating. Take a look at the first reason. All of the reasons are pretty stupid, but the first one is just disgusting. She just “needed more passion.” Okay. And what about “John’s” needs – like, you know. Trust. And fidelity. And not having a f–king whore for a girlfriend.

This sort of stuff disgusts me. If a man cheats on a woman because he needs “more passion,” women internationally will rip him apart for being a cad and a worm. If a WOMAN did this, the response would be “Well, she just had needs he wasn’t meeting.”

….what? No. No, I’m sorry. I don’t care what your needs are, there is no excuse for not just telling your poor boyfriend this. He might have been unhappy, too, but out of respect for you, didn’t say anything. But you know what? He didn’t go out and f–k some other girl. Because that’s what love actually is. It’s working through problems together, not selfishly indulging in your own whims with not consideration for the feelings of others.

Women get a double standard generally. There is this absurd notion that women are somehow less violent than men and if women were to rule the world, we would experience international peace. Yeah right. Which is totally why no women ever commit murder or other violent crimes. Or rape (yes, women do commit rape). Or murder their children. Or are abusive to their spouses. I mean, clearly, it just doesn’t happen, yeah?

I remember having a conversation with my friend Cam once about the type of girl all decent women hate. The ones with the smoldering eyes, that look at a man and make him go crazy, and then proceed to use them and dump them as soon as the novelty wears off. I was absolutely raging to Cam about a girl we were unfortunate enough to vaguely be acquainted with who was like this, much to the suffering of those around us. These are the women who destroy men for the good and hard-working girls of the world, the ones who wait with tissues and silent adoration for the boys they know are being mistreated, but get ignored anyway.

Men, of course, have their counterpart that all decent men hate as well – the Douchebag. The smooth talking bag of douche with the fancy car that ruin innocent young girls for the thrill, and then dump them, leaving the Nice Guys to pick up the pieces and privately smolder with the knowledge that they would treat that girl five million times better, but they’re still getting ignored.

I have little patience for cheaters, male or female. But then again, in certain situations, I feel like cheating can be necessary. It’s a very fine balance. What I cannot tolerate, though, are excuses for mis-actions. Reasons WHY you hurt someone are not only cowardly excuses, but neglectful to the person that you hurt. “Well, YOU weren’t taking care of my needs” is blaming the victim. It’s like saying to a burn victim “Why were you asleep in your house when I lit fire to it? That is so selfish of you!”

Unfortunately, we seem to be developing a society of selfishness, especially in regards to women. I wrote a (not particularly good) play during my seminar with Prof. Brogger on the many problems with societies coddling of women – we allow ourselves to become sexual objects and act like this is a good thing. We praise heartbreaking women with no regard for who they hurt.

What I focused the play on – indeed, what I have tried to strive for in my own life – is being less concerned with being a woman than I am with being a person. If we can stop placing such importance on gender, how will it matter why we cheat? It will only matter that we hurt another human being. And that can only hurt ourselves.

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About emilydnelson

A recent graduate of Hofstra University with a B.A. in anthropology, Emily is like every other twenty-two year old on the planet - trying to figure out what the hell to do now. Follow as she struggles with writing, her social work job, and bopping from coast to coast.
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3 Responses to Oh, a Woman Did Something Bad? Must Not Count

  1. As a male survivor of a female rapist, I have been served giant scoops of this garbage over the years.

    While the victim-blaming and shaming are bad for any rape survivor regardless of gender, when a woman is the perp people will perform unparalleled styles of mental gymnastics to excuse, downplay or outright deny responsibility on the woman’s part. I was told (more than once) to “try to think about what she must have endured in order to have committed such a crime” against me.

    She drugged, raped and blackmailed me into silence but she is the victim and I am expected to be understanding and sympathetic.

    Some days, I really hate people.

    • That Hanna Creature says:

      Ooooooh…bro, you have my deepest sympathies. Seriously. Society is seriously screwed up that they rationalize away this reprehensible double standard. Nobody, regardless of gender, sexuality, whatever, should ever have to deal with this, and certainly never be blamed for it or expect to be understanding.

      If I knew who this woman was, I’d kill her myself. This sort of shit deserves no less. And you deserve a medal for dealing with this abomination.

    • emilydnelson says:

      That is absolutely HORRIBLE, and I cannot apologize enough for merely being of the same gender. It makes me sick to think that she somehow deserves pity for abusing you.

      There’s this prevailing idea in American culture that somehow men cannot be victims of rape. If the perpetrator is female, it’s seen as a bonus; if male, it is swept under the rug.

      Your bravery and fortitude in surviving such an ordeal is to be applauded, and I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your future. Thanks also for subscribing.

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