This will be brief, and filled in later:
Cassie has had a persistent cough that’s worsened over the last week. We planned to take her to the vet this morning, but when it got to the point where no one was sleeping, we took her to the emergency clinic.
She has had, without our knowledge and for years, a lymphoma growing in her chest. Basically, she could have dropped dead at any moment, though you’d never have known it from my sweetie. The vet drained 250ml from her chest so she could breathe. we have to get her put to sleep today.
I haven’t slept since we got home. I drift between wanting to spend every single second with her, and finding it too painful and recognizing I need to do things. Like shower. I don’t feel up to showering, but as horrible as it will be….in three hours….my life will continue, even if hers doesn’t. Somehow. And for that life three hours from now, I guess I’ll need to be clean.
Probably my exhausted mind is clinging to routine to keep from sobbing again.
I am taking lots of photos and videos so I can remember her. The vet opens in an hour and forty five minutes. Maybe a miracle will happen and they will disagree with the solid white x-ray of her chest. Maybe.
Until then. My girl is going to the Undiscovered Country, from whence no traveler returns.