I talk a decent amount about women trying to be separate from men and make their own choices, and this article, though from a (wonderful) humor site, really gets it from the man’s view. In ways that are…..also frightening to me as a girl.
“So it’s very frustrating, and I mean frustrating to the point of violence, when we don’t get what we’re owed. A contract has been broken. These women, by exercising their own choices, are denying it to us. It’s why every Nice Guy is shocked to find that buying gifts for a girl and doing her favors won’t win him sex. It’s why we go to “slut” and “whore” as our default insults.”
Having dealt with many a “nice guy” in this situation myself, it sends a shiver down my spine. I was actually thinking about it last night, and HAD decided against blogging it, but this just brings it to the fore.
I think every girl has, at least once, experienced self-categorized “nice guys.” The ones you’re not attracted to, you’re willing to be friends with, and the ones who then proceed to do everything possible to hammer home that they should own you now. It may not seem as bad as having a violent boyfriend, but mentally and emotionally it can be just as horrifying.
What such guys don’t realize is that their “niceness” isn’t nice. Giving a girl a bunch of things she didn’t want isn’t nice. It’s a form of social prostitution. “I have given you these things. You should love and respect me now.” How many good relationships are you aware of where the male is CONSTANTLY bringing gifts to the female? I don’t mean occasionally, and I don’t mean on holidays. My father doesn’t constantly bring my mother flowers, or things she didn’t want or ask for. It would be weird for him to do so. His gifts are in his words and actions of nearly thirty years of marriage. Similarly, I would not want a man to bring me home jewelry or (more appropriate to my interests) games or knitting stuff every night. It cheapens a relationship to the exchange of goods and services.
“Nice guys” often don’t get this. They then complain they’ve been “friend-zoned” by women who don’t appreciate good men and only want jerks. Sorry, “nice guy.” You’re also a jerk on a different level.
It’s pretty impossible to make most guys like this see that because they’re usually the ones who aren’t socially adept anyway, and thus don’t see how their behavior is wrong and blame the other person involved.
No woman should be penalized for her right to choose. She’s not stupid for not wanting you, and she certainly isn’t a whore if she chooses someone else for reasons you don’t understand. Guys have plenty of problems in the world to face – they don’t need to invent them by blaming us.