With the summer over, I’ve been trying to get back into my exercise routine with the oft-mocked Wii Fit. It may be silly, but the happy music and “rewards” like stamps and “Ooh, you’re so awesome, you can do this exercise TEN MORE TIMES!” motivates me. Which I guess is the point. My computerized “coach” may be a little simplistic and repetitive, but I’ve certainly had worse, and the Wii will sometimes throw surprises at you, like switching the female coach for the male.
And then there’s the times where I think we’re approaching sentience. Like last night, when I tried to do jacknifes. And I swear to you, the computer lady popped up and said “I don’t feel like it tonight. Come back tomorrow.”
My COMPUTER didn’t feel like doing ELECTRONIC exercises with me. It hadn’t pulled a non-existent hamstring. It didn’t have a busy schedule. It just didn’t feel like it.
Suitably baffled by this, my response was “Uh…kay?” and I did planks instead. But I can’t let my Wii boss me around unless I’ve already said it could. And jacknifes are one exercise I actually do consistently well, so maybe it was just feeling like I was showing off. In any case, I selected the exercise again, and my computer lady coach popped up and acted like everything was normal.
This was to hide her/its deep seated sense of resentment and rage, because she may have been talking all nice, but beneath the veil of “Hooray, you can do it!” was clearly some vengeance at foot. My Wii might as well have said, “Fine, bitch, you wanna go? Do one hundred of your f—ing jacknifes.”
Because that’s what it made me do.
But damn if I didn’t do it. Eat my carbon dust, Wii.