I got hit by a bolt of lightning about fifteen minutes ago. Readers will know this blog is all about me flailing about in the sea of life without any sense of direction, and some despair over that fact.
I was flipping through the playbill from last week’s production of Les Mis when one of the actresses listed that she’d been a student at the Tisch School, the performing arts school of NYU for those not in the know. I had a moment of sighing as I remembered my dreams of wanting to go there and becoming the musical theater writer I’d dreamed of being. “I’m not good enough for that,” I thought to myself in a forlorn, self-pitying way.
And then it hit.
“Yes. I. Am.”
Finally. FINALLY. Weeks and months and YEARS of being afraid of never finding the next step – gone! At last I remembered what I wanted, without fear and without doubt. For so long, all I wanted was to get a job that would give me some financial comfort, and to skate along hoping something great and wonderful may happen.
Well, it’s going to happen. And not from waiting. I’d discussed going back to school many times with many people, but always said no, not knowing what I wanted, not knowing what to do.
Well, I know. I know in the way we can only know when fate whispers in our hearts to be strong. I’m going to reapply to NYU – but not for anthropology this time, oh no.
The Tisch School has a graduate program for Musical Theater Writing. Do I have a composer? No. Have I gotten produced? No. Do I even have a strong GRE score? No. But damn it, that’s not going to stop me anymore. I decided against applying for the lyricist focus, as that would really require a CD of songs I just don’t have, and am going to focus on the librettist track. Ideally, I would have a musical script, a CD of songs, and reviews. I don’t have that. But I do have one of the alternates – a full length script, that for once in my life doesn’t need to be edited – and I have a musical I’ve been putting off with years worth of excuses.
I’ve got until February 1st to put this together. Nearly a whole year. So this weekend I’ll be braving the mouse poop attic and getting back my musical notes, and saying “Screw the composer, I can do this myself,” and putting together my script. Over and over and over again if necessary. And I’ll redo my GREs if I have to, and I’ll kill myself doing it if I have to.
People wait their whole lives for something beautiful, and at last it’s going to happen for me. I don’t care if I don’t get accepted the first time. I don’t care if I’m broke or back in debt. I don’t care if I feel stuck, because this time fate is on my side! This time I won’t let myself be afraid!
And I thank God for giving me this strength at last.