Quiet Desperation

Another overwrought title, this time at the courtesy of Thoreau. The other title I considered for this was “slight desperation,” which may be more appropriate to how I’m feeling, but whatever, let’s just move on.

My dad’s started his new job, and unfortunately he’s not happy. Probably a large part of that is being used to his new “retirement.” I’m sure that’s how I’ll feel when I finally get full-time work again and can’t sleep in until 9:30. To be honest, I am a little wistful as well. I had gotten very used to chatting with my dad on Skype when I got up, or whenever I had a thought (Mom’s not on the computer as much as he is, though we do talk that way sometimes). It’s very weird now to hardly hear from him – normal, certainly, but you get used to things after half a year.

Yeah, I’ve been in Virginia nearly half a year now. It will be my birthday just one week from Saturday, and that’s kind of weird. I certainly had not thought, those six months ago, that this is where I’d be when I celebrated my 24th birthday. Am I disappointed? Um….I think I’m more confused than anything else. I also have no idea what I’m going to do for it, except bring cupcakes to work and maybe get a small cake for home. But that’s pretty small. Maybe I’ve reached the age where you no longer celebrate birthdays? But I think birthdays can always be fun, so I’m not sure that’s necessarily true. Certainly this year will be far, far quieter than my big party last year. Man, that was fun…I should find the pictures to that, but then I worry I might get homesick.

Unfortunately, I’m not quite happy at my job anymore. Part of it is being tired of K’s BS, though loyal readers will certainly remember I’ve dealt with coworker drama before. I guess maybe it’s because it’s never to this extent and I’ve never had someone seriously HATE me before. So that’s weird. But mainly I’m just stagnating at the studio. The spring break hours I was supposed to get were cut, and I was just told I won’t be working full-time this summer, either. It certainly helps me feel less bad if I DO leave, and I think I might soon. If the stars align, I MIGHT be going back to early childcare.

Yeah, I know. I’ve been wanting to get out of childcare, but if that’s what I can get hired to do full-time, then so be it. Not that I’m hired yet. It’s a complicated story, but I’m essentially playing cat and mouse with a local daycare. Working with older kids at CS was my favorite part of the job, and there’s certainly many, MANY kids I’ve enjoyed at the studio. Yet even so, I feel kind of right about possibly going back to younger child care. It’s what I’ve done the most of, after all. It’s what most of my experience has geared me towards, and I understand little kids and know how to handle them in ways that don’t work at all on crazy older kids.

Actually, I kind of would like to start working with infants. I know it sounds crazy, but that would at least be interesting to me, because I know pretty much nothing about how to work with them, so it would be a new challenge. Ever so briefly, I worked with one year olds at CS, filling in for a coworker. It was certainly different, but it was also kind of mind-blowing; you never really expect one year olds to have much going on in their heads, and yet they were so obviously aware and understanding of what I said and did. It was amazing. I could comment on an object in their hand – just comment, not move or anything – and they’d offer it to me, and take it back when I said “no, thank you.” The downside would be diaper changes, and the inability to reason with a baby. And that you don’t really DO much with them, in my experience. But I’m ready to try it! I’ve been cooing more at babies I see or meet in the world, so maybe it’s time to give it a try? We’ll see if fate takes me in that direction.

Well, there was more random stuff to talk about, but I think that’s enough for now…just wish me luck with this job stuff, guys, or at least wish me a happy birthday.

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About emilydnelson

A recent graduate of Hofstra University with a B.A. in anthropology, Emily is like every other twenty-two year old on the planet - trying to figure out what the hell to do now. Follow as she struggles with writing, her social work job, and bopping from coast to coast.
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