It’s taken much longer to reach 200 posts than it took to reach 100. This could be because I either have more or less of a life, but to be honest, it’s probably the latter.
For a stroll further down memory lane, feel free to check out quotes selected from my first 99 posts, “Quotapalooza.”
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Religion
I was so stunned while wrapping up copies of “Curious George” that I really didn’t know what was going on.
On the Third Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
“For example, within two blocks of where I now sit, there is a gelato AND a frozen yogurt place. Ooh, heaven is a place on earth, my friends.”
[…]I’m willing to live with the fact that the whole thing slants and it’s drafty as hell because it’s cool and there’s gelato, there’s a price you just have to pay sometimes.
And Jill Went Tumbling After – Part 1
“They’re going to need to cut off your jeans to get to your leg.”
“But I like these jeans!”
“I’ll buy you new jeans.”
“I like these ones!”
[…]He was not cute. I was getting jipped.
[…]I realize that whatever high I was experiencing was more of something to take the edge off the pain, but having officially become a narc, it was for the birds.
Recommendations to Strangers
Most people would be embarrassed. I was a small champion in a worn out old peasant skirt.
[…]I used to think I was very pathetic. It is still possible I am.
[…]And I am the person who stares at them in wonder from the corner, writing about the way people are without acting like one myself.
Finding the Balance
It may be I’ll be bouncing a bundle on my knee in five or ten or who-knows-how-many years time, balancing the vacuum with the spatula – but it won’t be because I thought my back was to the wall and it was my only out.
A Review: Midnight in Paris
But you know what I’m going to call her? Queen Bitch, monarch of all the bitches.
[…]Then we meet Paul, who is the Lord Jesus Christ of all Douchebags.
[…]Gill isn’t the greatest either, but he’s our protagonist and he’s the only one we’ve got, so let’s just deal with it.
It teeters between depth and you’re just fucking with me now.
I Must be Becoming a Writer
Cause it’s a quarter after twelve, I’m working on my historical fiction piece, and I think to myself, “If this is going to go anywhere, it’s gonna need a Gin and Tonic.”
A Quick Aside
I think only dogs can know the purest form of happiness; a favorite squeaking ball and a belly rub.
Totally Not Interested in “The Hunger Games
Easter Loving Jesus, does no one go outside anymore?
Film Review: Dean Spanley
“Dean Spanley” tells more than the story of a dog – it tells a story of a human heart.
Finally a Substantial Update
So I drag my feet and drool as I flip through musty photo books, every fiber of my creative being crying out in protest.
Chance to Win
So right now you’re thinking, “Holy crap, Emily. I love supporting cancer research, and I FREAKING LOVE BINGO! How do I get in on this?!”
[…That’s right. Conveniently located right downtown. Soap. Hamburgers. Bingo. Cancer (Research).
Now Selling in Portland
Also, interested in stalking me?[…]I’ll be there with some family and friends, so it’s a good time to stop by and perhaps collect hair samples for that shrine of me you’re keeping in your closet.
Remember to Shop for Father’s Day!
Now I’m going to go medicate a headache, SO FEEL BAD AND BUY MY THINGS.
The Middle Under Fire
Right now, it’ll be another look at the nation’s politics, which are certainly exploding in such a manner as to rival my douchebag neighbors who can’t wait to light their God blessed fireworks until the fourth of July. They may be equally as insensitive to the needs of others and illogical, too.
[…]So no thanks, I’ll take my milk relatively nuked, and trust the government on this.
[…]If this is the case, why are you, dear friends tolerant of everything….except the idea that I could disagree with you?
Here a Lee, There a Lee
Remember. Turner Classic Movies. Two o’clock (five EST). Be there, OR BE DOING SOMETHING NOT AS FREAKING COOL!
Perks of the Job
“A chuffer is a card shark who has two boxes for hats?” I repeated, and this was basically agreed upon.
Your News for the Day
That’s right. I get drunk and read the Washington Post. I am INSANE.
When “Cracked” Is Deep and Also Scar
Giving a girl a bunch of things she didn’t want isn’t nice. It’s a form of social prostitution.
A Robot that Plays Rock, Paper, Scissors
I know people are all like “Nuuu, it’s the rise of the machines!” but I can’t wait for my own personal robot. His name will be Stanley and he will be my BEST FRIEND EVER.
Rage Against the Machine
My COMPUTER didn’t feel like doing ELECTRONIC exercises with me. It hadn’t pulled a non-existent hamstring. It didn’t have a busy schedule. It just didn’t feel like it.
[…]But I can’t let my Wii boss me around unless I’ve already said it could. And jacknifes are one exercise I actually do consistently well, so maybe it was just feeling like I was showing off.
[…]My Wii might as well have said, “Fine, bitch, you wanna go? Do one hundred of your f—ing jacknifes.”
In Defense of Your Adult Child’s Forms of Entertainment
I don’t mean the light, housewife entertainment games of Pop Games and Wii Sports But Now We Also Feature Lawn Bowling, How Awesome Is That, Though In This Case, You Really COULD Be Doing Anything Else, Like Actually Playing the Actual Game. Outside. With Other Humans.
[…]We root for Indy and not the Nazis, because we identify with him, and screw Nazis, man.
[…]My spare funds, even when I had a shitty job, were spent on more practical things. And also Star Wars.
I’M MOVING OUT
And it’s a wonderful thing. To be calmly and quietly….happy.
Let’s all smile, even if it’s sometimes bittersweet.
Counting Blessings Like the Stars
I recognize that if I do not take this chance, I am a fool and will be trapping myself in my own fear box, rather than moving forward with my life.
Closing Doors, Opening Windows
Also, why is it that the hot guys come out of the woodwork when you’re LEAVING an area? You guys are bastards, and you suck.
Briefly: Comparing “Murder on the Orient Express”
The comparison of Poirot and Rachett praying was also like, woah, totally deep, man.
First Virginia Update
I say that – but you know what happened when I got home from work early today? An entire police squad was in my hallway. For HOURS. Including a forensics team. And I’m pretty sure I talked to the lady whose hotel room they were pawing through. I’m thinking murder.
But at least I get free coffee.
See? I’m Not THAT Conservative
This was like a Zebra showing its soft, white belly to a lion.
Children and Manners
A Christmas that haunts my memory was when I was about five years old, when I really wanted this particular Barbie, as she came with a squeaky Orca whale. Priorities. There was also a dolphin version, but for whatever reason, Orca for me.
I Had a Job Interview But I’m Really Posting This Because I Want to Show You This Snail Vidoe
You guys won’t be the first to know if that happens, let’s be realistic about that. But you will definitely be among those who are informed.
Charlie Bravo, Uh…More Official Sounding Words
“We’ve unleashed the gates of hell.” Yeah, okay, Morgan. This will also be our finest hour, and I have a bad feeling about this.
Sashimi and Shite: My Surreal Life Part One
[…]everything about how she behaved communicated that I had violated the Eleventh Commandment (which is Though Shalt Only Color Between 5:00 PM and 5:15 PM, Eastern Standard Time, for the uneducated)
[…]She was a bully, but I was the one getting punished and told to drink Smirnoff Ice!
The Most Violent Les Mis Ever – But Still Awesome!
I lost friends faster than a leper with severe body odor, and it was worth it.
[…]In the scene where he catches Valjean dragging Marius out of the sewers, Hanna saw a man coming undone. Me, I saw a man with a facial expression of “God damn it, I do not have time for this today.”
[…]Grantaire is scared to die? How dare you express natural fear, let’s fight about it. Fantine doesn’t want sex with that guy? Time to beat up hookers and chew bubble gum. And this is 19th century France, so gum is in short supply.
I know in the way we can only know when fate whispers in our hearts to be strong.
If the joke is “Why did the turkey cross the road?” then the punchline must be “To make me brake suddenly at 60 mph.”
The Best Nest
“This is the best nest,” he says as the penultimate line – the ultimate line being “Hoot!”
Not as many quotes for this celebration, partly because ones I liked worked best in context, and partly because…..uh, I dunno, the last 100 posts weren’t as good as the first 100? I will say quoting about my move to Virginia was surreal as I have a lot of the same feelings now that I’m moving back. Here’s to another 100 blog posts, you wonderful people!