I’ve been sick for a good week now, that annoying kind where you’re not absolutely miserable, but you can do sod-all. The kind where it’s pointless to go to the doctor because all they’ll say is “You’re sick,” but you still shuffle around unable to do even the simplest actions without feeling brain-dead and wheezy.
As such, I’ve been playing a lot of Pokemon Conquest and watching a lot of Internet Stuff. As I consume a fair amount of video game reviews and videos, I’ve been suffering through repeats of the INCREDIBLY annoying add for Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag. Nevermind that Assassin’s Creed hasn’t been good since they milked Ezio’s tits off making millions of spin-offs from the successful sequel; nevermind that we were practically promised a conclusion AT FREAKING LAST with the third chapter, which really wasn’t all that good. Nevermind that the plot is trite and boring, or that it’s lost all soul as a series. Here’s the part that annoys me:
Is anyone else in the world just f—ing sick of pirates?
I mean, I have NEVER been a big fan of pirates, in any medium. Certainly not in the equally over-milked “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise, though I will say I have fond memories of Sid Meyer’s “Pirates,” and I would play that…Heck, I’m not even all that fond of “Pirates of Penzance!” I prefer “HMS Pinafore.” I guess that’s what I’m saying: why do we have to have YET ANOTHER game about pirates. Couldn’t there be a game where I play as the British Navy? It has all the things people presumably like about pirates (exotic locales, fraught sea battles, uhm….saltwater and scurvy?), and quite a great deal less of the things I don’t like: glorification of groups of people that historically pillaged, raped and murdered. You get cool uniforms, the Napoleonic War, conquest for Queen and Empire, and in some instances, a great deal of homo-eroticism that will never, ever be discussed in public.
…besides, everyone knows ninjas are way cooler.